Recently I went down to Moroni to be a part of the celebration of my mother's 80th birthday. My sisters did all the work and it was a resounding success. It was very cool being able to see the happiness reflected on my mom's face at so many friends and family coming together to celebrate her special day.
After the luau feast, and watching the dancers who did a variety of Polynesian dances my little sister Mona jumped up on stage to sing/yoddel a tribute to mom (in true dad fashion... he would yoddel his oldda lady song for birthdays!) I enjoyed my sister's tribute so much! I remember challenging my sisters to a yoddeling competition in dad's memory...and how hard I practiced! And how Mona won no question!
Being with family is not always easy, but it’s always illuminating. I had many insights this visit and I would like to share a couple of them with you. One insight I got about my Mom is that her love is consistent. It’s not just reserved for me. Although I have always known that it was great to watch the love in her eyes as she looked upon each one of my brothers and sisters that were there. She loves everyone in the same way she loves me. Now that’s cool. She loves because that’s who she is. What a blessing to receive a love like that.
With all of our different values, personalities, lifestyles, and needs, that is no small thing to do. There are ten of us children. There was genuine love and interest in reuniting with the family from practically everyone.
After Mona sang and yoddeled, Paula jumped up to thank everyone for coming and making it such a success and then she asked each of us kids to introduce ourselves and tell a little about ourself... pointing to me she said "Mary, your first" I jumped up (I hadn't gone up on stage for the hula lessons) I loved watching my sisters swinging their hips and shining onstage...personally I'm very content to be in the audience applauding! But as I introduced myself I was in a joking mood and said with a big smile "I'm Mary, I'm the first....and I'm the best!" (What else can you say after making such a statement?) I want my siblings to know that I really don't think I'm better than any one of them...I love each and everyone for who and what they are and accept them as such. I admire different qualities about each and every one of them. Dale, Paula, Fred, DJ, Eva, Mona and Evan all added their little introductions...Evan...in true Evan style said "My name is Evan and I am the reason there aren't any more!" Well, I'd take a dozen more Evan's just for the record. He's as awesome as anyone could be. I've loved having him (and Eva and Mona) as a part of my life for the years that they spent in my home during their childhood. It wasn't real fair as that put me in the role of playing "mean mom"....giving the discipline that they really didn't want at the time! But when you do things for someone it gives you a vested interest in them...and in their success. The more you do...the more you love them. Just the way our human natures are. (Even when they don't love you back)
There’s a saying, “If you want to know how enlightened you are, just go home for the holidays!” Usually this is understood to mean that the family will trigger old wounds from childhood and that the family will bring even the seasoned sibling to his/her knees. In other words, no matter how on top of things you think you are, your family will test your ability to maintain peace of mind. Somehow, the family knows exactly how to press your buttons in just the perfect way to trigger old buried patterns of unskillful childhood behavior.
However, this visit was different for me. I’m not saying I’m enlightened and I never get triggered. But somehow this visit seemed better, a lot better. How? I got along better with everyone. I didn’t take things so personally. I looked for the good in everyone and saw it. I felt free to be me, take care of my needs, while also supporting the family and helping others get their needs met. I was able to hear people and offer them support.
I am so impressed with who my family is. In any given conversation that happened, I experienced kindness, humor, creativity, caring, sensitivity, insight, a wider perspective, good cheer, love, and a sincere interest in who we are. I experienced a deeper sense of connection to each person that I talked too.
I had the realization that this IS the family I’ve always wanted to be part of. This realization freed up energy for me that has on occasion got caught up in wishing I had a different family. But you know what? The truth is – this is the ONLY family I get this time around. The universe doesn’t make mistakes. I’ve been able to release the wish for a different family and embrace the family I have.
Fate is what’s given to you. Destiny is what you do with it. Assuming that pre-birth soul agreements are true, (and I do believe in the pre-existence) I chose my family and agreed in advance that I would be part of this family, and this family would be part of me. Done deal.
Having made these discoveries, I am more at peace within myself when I’m with my family. And because I’m more at peace within myself, I am more able to listen to others and respond in a loving way. Like being part of a team, a family team, I want to strive to be a better player, be more sensitive to other’s needs, and respect other’s values especially when their values are different than mine. At the same time, I vow not to collapse my self-esteem, give away my power, or shame myself for my feelings. But rather to accept, open, love, be willing to learn, and grow myself beyond self-limiting concepts. Happy Birthday Mom! Thank you for the role you played in my life of teaching, nurturing, loving and example. I know I am who I am today because of you and Dad. Love you, and our great family.
After the luau feast, and watching the dancers who did a variety of Polynesian dances my little sister Mona jumped up on stage to sing/yoddel a tribute to mom (in true dad fashion... he would yoddel his oldda lady song for birthdays!) I enjoyed my sister's tribute so much! I remember challenging my sisters to a yoddeling competition in dad's memory...and how hard I practiced! And how Mona won no question!
Being with family is not always easy, but it’s always illuminating. I had many insights this visit and I would like to share a couple of them with you. One insight I got about my Mom is that her love is consistent. It’s not just reserved for me. Although I have always known that it was great to watch the love in her eyes as she looked upon each one of my brothers and sisters that were there. She loves everyone in the same way she loves me. Now that’s cool. She loves because that’s who she is. What a blessing to receive a love like that.
With all of our different values, personalities, lifestyles, and needs, that is no small thing to do. There are ten of us children. There was genuine love and interest in reuniting with the family from practically everyone.
After Mona sang and yoddeled, Paula jumped up to thank everyone for coming and making it such a success and then she asked each of us kids to introduce ourselves and tell a little about ourself... pointing to me she said "Mary, your first" I jumped up (I hadn't gone up on stage for the hula lessons) I loved watching my sisters swinging their hips and shining onstage...personally I'm very content to be in the audience applauding! But as I introduced myself I was in a joking mood and said with a big smile "I'm Mary, I'm the first....and I'm the best!" (What else can you say after making such a statement?) I want my siblings to know that I really don't think I'm better than any one of them...I love each and everyone for who and what they are and accept them as such. I admire different qualities about each and every one of them. Dale, Paula, Fred, DJ, Eva, Mona and Evan all added their little introductions...Evan...in true Evan style said "My name is Evan and I am the reason there aren't any more!" Well, I'd take a dozen more Evan's just for the record. He's as awesome as anyone could be. I've loved having him (and Eva and Mona) as a part of my life for the years that they spent in my home during their childhood. It wasn't real fair as that put me in the role of playing "mean mom"....giving the discipline that they really didn't want at the time! But when you do things for someone it gives you a vested interest in them...and in their success. The more you do...the more you love them. Just the way our human natures are. (Even when they don't love you back)
There’s a saying, “If you want to know how enlightened you are, just go home for the holidays!” Usually this is understood to mean that the family will trigger old wounds from childhood and that the family will bring even the seasoned sibling to his/her knees. In other words, no matter how on top of things you think you are, your family will test your ability to maintain peace of mind. Somehow, the family knows exactly how to press your buttons in just the perfect way to trigger old buried patterns of unskillful childhood behavior.
However, this visit was different for me. I’m not saying I’m enlightened and I never get triggered. But somehow this visit seemed better, a lot better. How? I got along better with everyone. I didn’t take things so personally. I looked for the good in everyone and saw it. I felt free to be me, take care of my needs, while also supporting the family and helping others get their needs met. I was able to hear people and offer them support.
I am so impressed with who my family is. In any given conversation that happened, I experienced kindness, humor, creativity, caring, sensitivity, insight, a wider perspective, good cheer, love, and a sincere interest in who we are. I experienced a deeper sense of connection to each person that I talked too.
I had the realization that this IS the family I’ve always wanted to be part of. This realization freed up energy for me that has on occasion got caught up in wishing I had a different family. But you know what? The truth is – this is the ONLY family I get this time around. The universe doesn’t make mistakes. I’ve been able to release the wish for a different family and embrace the family I have.
Fate is what’s given to you. Destiny is what you do with it. Assuming that pre-birth soul agreements are true, (and I do believe in the pre-existence) I chose my family and agreed in advance that I would be part of this family, and this family would be part of me. Done deal.
Having made these discoveries, I am more at peace within myself when I’m with my family. And because I’m more at peace within myself, I am more able to listen to others and respond in a loving way. Like being part of a team, a family team, I want to strive to be a better player, be more sensitive to other’s needs, and respect other’s values especially when their values are different than mine. At the same time, I vow not to collapse my self-esteem, give away my power, or shame myself for my feelings. But rather to accept, open, love, be willing to learn, and grow myself beyond self-limiting concepts. Happy Birthday Mom! Thank you for the role you played in my life of teaching, nurturing, loving and example. I know I am who I am today because of you and Dad. Love you, and our great family.
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